2011
January Jan 03 - Engagement Announcement Saturday, January 1, 2011 (Reported over every major news network) Voiceover by a young woman with a light British accent: "...Laird James McCullen Destro and Dahlia Elizabeth Cole were present to make their official engagement announcement at the Edinburgh Street Party in Scotland. The Laird proposed to Miss Cole under a starburst of fireworks, and offered not only a stunning diamond-studded platinum band, but also an antique Scottish Luckenbooth - a traditional silver brooch engraved with two interlocking hearts." The camera is showing the scene, zoomed in from a distance. Destro and Dahlia are standing upon one of many balconies that overlook the street party below, bathed in the colorful flickerflash of exploding fireworks. No audio is available, but James suddenly, gently takes Dahlia by the hands and whispers to her, before getting down on bent knee. Dahlia's reaction is both schoolgirlish and flustered, as she bobs her head sharply; he replaces the former engagement ring upon her finger, rises, produces the necklace and brooch from his coat, and clasps the thin, platinum chain about her neck, before they kiss. The voiceover continues, "The couple slipped away before they could be reached for comment, but a spokeswoman for Transcarpathia confirmed that the Laird had asked for Miss Cole's hand in marriage, and a wedding date is on the books, but will not be announced to the general public..." Jan 29 - Family Saved by Anonymous Donor << This story appears as a human interest story which originally appeared in both The Oregonian and The Portland Tribune, and is picked up by various Internet news portals. >> A Portland family whose house went into foreclosure was saved from the brink by an extremely generous anonymous benefactor. The recession hit most everyone hard, but it stung particularly hard for the Edmunds family of Portland. Both parents had to take several jobs between them in order to pay all the bills for themselves and for their four boys. They were making ends meet, until one of their boys, Bryce, fell ill with a rare form of blood cancer. Despite the Edmunds having medical insurance, the bills quickly got out of hand when Bryce was admitted to intensive care at Seattle Memorial Hospital. Late in 2010, the family's home was auctioned at a courthouse foreclosure sale for $114,500.00. However, the highest bidder did something extraordinary: he turned the documents over to a local property lawyer, and under promise of total anonymity, requested that the house remain deeded to the Edmunds family. "It's like a dream come true," Mrs. Edmunds exclaimed in the family's statement. "We would love to know who this generous person was...he or she has saved our lives. We still have a lot of bills, but at least now we finally have a chance to catch up on them. It's a miracle." February Feb 12 - Wedding canceled! 2011-02-12, 8:33 AM EST :Official news channels have released a bulletin stating that the wedding between Laird James McCullen Destro and Dahlia Cole has been postponed for reasons unknown. Representatives for the couple could not be reached for comment. Feb 13 - Disappearances :<> :Both Dahlia Cole and her copy of the Weather Dominator have disappeared. Rumors have it that Destro has posted a large reward for their return, and is possibly blaming Cobra for their disappearance. Feb 15 - Disappearances Rumors continue that James McCullen Destro is offering a large reward for any information or the return of Dahlia Cole and the Weather Dominator She was promoting. They have been missing since 2/12/11. March Mar 14 - Washington Under attack *On 3/14/2011, A sudden rainstorm has started to come down in Washington DC, which has increased in intensity over the past 15 minutes. It is quickly progressing to a hailstorm, followed by a blizzard of epic proportions, cycling through the pattern in increasing intensity. A few minutes after the rain turns to hail, Most major news groups get a recorded message from a Steel masked Destro, in a undisclosed location. "Citizens of the world. It has been one month since the disappearance of Dahlia Cole, and my device, and neither have been returned. Your governments leave me with no option. I am sure you have noticed the strange weather pattern over the Capital of the United States. It will continue to intensify, and every 48 hours, another nation's capital will have similar natural disasters until both are returned to me, in tact. I can be contacted through usual means, if the kidnappers wish to negotiate. Destro, out. Mar 19 - Blizzard Warnings! Spread to most countries, it seems there's been a lead on who Destro will hit next with his Weather machine if his fiance is not returned. The top three places on the list are: Cobra Island, France, and England, although the exact order of strike is not yet known. If anyone knows the Whereabouts of Deliah Cole, Please feel free to contact Associated Press, Crimestoppers or Destro and MARS itself. Mar 19 - Soldier attacked in Washington A small blurb reports that an unidentified soldier assisting in snow removal in Washington DC was attacked and left with minor injuries by a Cobra Agent without provocation. Mar 23 - Decepticon and Cobra skirmish? TOPEKA, KANSAS - In an encounter some witnesses refer to as 'bizarre', the leader of the Decepticons, Megatron, was spotted in a local corn field facing off against what appeared to be a Cobra android unit. The battle was over in less than a minute leaving the Cobra unit a smoldering heap of metal. Megatron then grabbed the remains and flew off with them. The owner of the farm, Jed Smith, relayed to our reporter what he was able to hear from his farm house: "Best I can tell, that android there sent notice to Megatron he was gonna kick his butt judgin' by how they was talkin'. Guess that didn't go over so well." he said with a shrug. Damage to the farm was reported as minimal, something Jed Smith says he can live with knowing full well what a Decepticon visit to your property can often result in. Mar 30 - Brutal Homicide in Chicago << This is reported in regular news outlets in the Chicago metro area. >> The body of Frank Kowalski, 47, was discovered within a trash incinerator in midtown Chicago early Wednesday morning. Co-workers of Kowalski said they hadn't seen him in a few days. Police are seeking a person of interest in the case...this person is NOT a suspect, but police would like to talk to him about the case. << Included with this report is a police sketch of a very brutal-looking man with long hair, and a lot of tattoos and piercings. It might resemble Deadline, if you squint enough! >> Apr 01 - Press release from Transcarpathia At 11pm EST on 4/1/11, Laird James McCullen Destro made a typed press release to the major media sources: :There has been a theft recently of the plans for a machine of mine that can control the weather. I have, and will not use the device I own for malicious purposes but the thief has not made their intentions known. I will personally be doing what I can to avert this threat to the world. :Oddly enough, the Laird is unavailable for comment and has not been seen at his estate in Transcarpathia for over two months. Just what is the reluctant warlord up to? Apr 06 - Explosion rocks Santiago warehouse :CHILE - A large explosion rocked the warehouse district of Santiago Wednesday, destroying a storehouse and a nearby coffee shop. One witness reported seeing a strange aircraft flying away from the scene. Apr 09 - Battle in Manhattan Late last night Cobra forces and forces from G.I. Joe fought on the grounds of the Cobra Consulate in Manhattan. We have learned that the Baroness led her forces into the Consulate, beat back the G.I. Joe attempt to force them out, and now, last we heard, the Cobra forces are inside the Cobra Consulate building. Last year, President Dunham ordered the Consulate closed, obviously Cobra has decided to reopen it. At present, G.I. Joe forces surround the Consulate, and are holding a two block perimeter, allowing no one in or out of the area. G.I. Joe Media Relations have yet to release a statement, Cobra has not yet released one either. We will bring you more information as the story develops. Apr 09 - Damaged Japan Reactor Raided :In what experts are calling 'devastating', Decepticon forces led by Megatron attacked and raided the problem plagued Fukushima Reactor, damaged during the recent string of earthquakes and tsunami that struck the region last month. Further damage to the reactor has been termed 'excessive', and more radiation is now leaking into the surrounding areas. Officials are evacuating all nearby towns as the reactor is now running out of control on the verge of total meltdown. JSDF forces attempted to drive off the Decepticons but suffered heavy casualties in the process and major loss of equipment, including a destroyer sent to attack from offshore. Officials are now scrambling to determine ways to contain the new threats posed by the reactor as the region reels from the Decepticon incursion. Apr 12 - Cobra Consulate Update This just in! New faces have been spotted in the windows of the Cobra Consulate. We have Identified FLAK Vipers, HEAT Vipers, SAW Vipers, and at least one other type of Viper. How the Cobra Agents inside got reinforcements, we are unclear on, as G.I. Joe has maintained a perimeter, allowing no one in. Things are starting to get tense in New York. Apr 19 - Three Rivers Gorge Attacked Last night a squad of Decepticons, again led by Megatron himself, attacked the Three Rivers Dam in eastern china (image of Megatron, Scourge, and some Seekers landing at the dam). A squad of Autobots arrived on scene (image of Lodestone, Cuffs, and Jetfire) and immediately engaged the Decepticons, but after several hours of fierce fighting, the Autobots were forced to retreat after their air power was neutralized (image of Megatron shooting Jetfire down). The Decepticons left with a sizable supply of energon cubes and millions of dollars of damage to the dam itself. Engineers are scrambling to stabilize the structure as it shows signs of possible collapse. The question on many world leader's minds now is, where will they strike next? Apr 19 - Cobra Consulate Update Last week, G.I. Joe forces launched an attack on the Cobra Consulate in New York City. G.I. Joe forces forced the Cobra V.I.P.'s to flee the building, via Night Raven drones on the Roof. These personages included Major Bludd and the Baroness. After the Cobra forces were forced to flee, they did however, drop a payload of BAT's on the Consulate Courtyard. This caused severe damage to the building, and many surrounding buildings. G.I. Joe forces are, at the moment, still tracking down the last few BAT's, who we've been told, are currently down in the sewers, doing who knows what. The damage estimates to the City from the BAT's are placed in the millions, with the loss of life being 100 G.I. Joe soliders, and 10 NYPD Officers. No Civilians killed, but severe injured when the BAT's broke through the blockade G.I. Joe had created to hold them back. Hopefully we will be able to bring you more details as they are released. Apr 22 - Cobra forces take oil mine This just in: Friday afternoon, Cobra forces stormed the Syncrude Sand Mine facility in Alberta, Canada. Employees have not been permitted to leave the premises since the attack, and Cobra has not given any information to the press about their health. We will bring you updates as the situation develops. Apr 25 - Oil field seizure lifts gas prices In the wake of the seizure of the Syncrude Sand Mine oil mining facility last week, oil prices in the US have taken a sharp upward turn. Consumers are feeling the pain at the pump as gasoline rises past $4.00 per gallon. This despite the insistence by economists that the loss of the oil from the Sand Mine facility is relatively minimal. "That facility is one of several owned and operated by Syncrude," said a spokesman for the company. "It has not significantly reduced our output of crude, and should logically have no impact on the US economy." Nevertheless, gas prices continue to inflate, causing consumers to dig a little deeper into their wallets when they fill their tanks.